Inbox Me

Yesterday I got my bangs trimmed.  Is the upkeeping of bangs not the most annoying chore ever? Every. Three. Weeks. Anyway, I looked pretty cute if I may say so myself, of course I narcissistically go to instagram myself. Did you know the rear facing camera on the iphone is much lower quality than the front facing one?

*Click* Freckles too prominent. *Delete*

*Click* Eyes asymmetrical. *Delete*

*Click* Double Chin. *Delete* Give up with a tremendous sense of lowered self esteem.

This was when I came to the realization of the ridiculousness that is this life. “I want to be informed immediately when Cindy gets her bangs trimmed with a super cute picture of herself!” said no one ever. When every mundane moment of the day is interrupted by an inexplicable mental urge to share, post, think of a witty status, reach for the phone – it’s too much.

I’m walking away. Time to unplug. Internet fast. I’m spending time in nature to restore Zen.

Bwahahahaha.  That was funny, huh?!

You see, despite all the wise (they really are) people on the internet (irony) warning against oversaturation of the electronics, of not paying enough attention to the children (Mommy guilt, anyone?), of increasing levels of narcissism brought by the age of social media (point taken) – I cannot walk away.

Years of being brought up in a religious community has taught me you can be made to feel guilty of just about anything. As important as it is for me to be humble enough to listen to voices of reason and critique, I also need to remain true to who I am. And who I am is a woman who longs to be connected with others. and online is the way to do it these days. I am passionate about learning new things so the Information Age feels like the generation I was meant to belong to. I am fast paced so the instant feedback of the web pushes all the right buttons to power me up each day.

Lastly but not leastly, internet memes, hilarious “ship my pants” youtube videos, heartwarming puppy pics, live streaming of the daily show – can’t live without them.  Just sayin’. Also, I am that person who would really like to see an updated post of my friend (even acquaintance) with their cute bangs. #cutebangs #AustraliansSayFringe #socute

However, in the last year or so, I have slowly shifted my activity online to the Inbox rather than the public sphere. It’s all because of the Bad Experience. I’m sure you’ve had the Bad Experience. It was when I decided to post something which although was very important and close to my heart was also very controversial on my public wall. The debates which ensued between my conservative and liberal friends (the word $sshole was brought up) made me feel very Bad indeed. Friends of the facebook variety came out of the woodwork telling me I’m not a good human being, which made me ball up in a corner and weep. Since the Bad Experience, I don’t do that anymore. I decided anything that is important and close to my heart is only worthy of sharing with True Friends who won’t be mean to me.

I still slip up sometimes.  The other day someone was very wrong on the internet and I was raging. My husband warned me, “Cindy, just ignore them”, and as I nodded to his wise advice inside my head I was scripting the quip I was going to post.  And I kid you not, in the very next moment I typed and sent it off into cyberspace.

*Click* Major facebook remorse. *Delete*

Ladies and gentleman, I don’t want to repeat the Bad Experience, so next time you want to connect?

Inbox me.

  • p&k

    Love this reflection, Cindy! I rarely in box these days . . .

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